Communication Skills: How to Recognize Gaslighting In Relationships
Dan O'Connor Training
How to Spot Gaslighting In Relationships | Professional Communication Training Online
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How to Spot Gaslighting In Relationships | Professional Communication Training Online

 

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Professional #communicationskills expert and #communicationcoach Dan O'Connor gives you specific examples of #gaslighting in a relationship and how to recognize gaslighting at work with examples so you'll be able to avoid gaslighting other people.

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When somebody's gaslighting you it's about you and it's calling into question your reasoning & your thinking; it's designed to take the focus off the subject at hand (that you're probably bringing up) and instead place it on you and your thought process and why you are that way and it's intended to get you to doubt your thinking.

That is not okay.

When somebody's gaslighting you it's about you and it's calling into question your reasoning; your thinking; it's designed to take the focus off of the subject at hand that you're probably bringing up and instead place it on you and your thought process and why you are that way and it's intended to get you to doubt your thinking--that is not okay

It's okay if somebody challenges us; it's okay if somebody questions our actions; it's okay if somebody calls out our behavior; it is not okay if somebody tries to get us to question our sanity.

That is not okay

So be cautious of that whether you're concerned about gaslighting at work or you're concerned about gaslighting in a relationship.

Here's the type of thing to look for: Now, remember gaslighting generally comes when you bring up something that you're not happy with or that you're concerned about and they respond to it with gaslighting.

So gaslighting isn't generally something that people do just to make you crazy--it happens--but generally, it's when you bring up something--the strategy of a gaslighter is to take the focus off of what you're addressing and instead place it on you.

Here's what it sounds like:

"I don't know what happened to make you this way, but I'm not engaging."

"Can you hear yourself? Seriously--you want me to set up an appointment with somebody?"

"Are you crazy?" "Hey--you don't see me doing that, do you?"

"I really feel sorry for you."

"I'm sorry you think that way."

"I'm sorry you feel that way."

"I suggest reflecting on why you think that."

"I never said that."

"That is not at all what happened. You are remembering it all wrong."

"You're really making a big deal out of this."

"Here you go again; really, do you have to do this every time?"

"Hey--I'm not the problem here. Have you considered that maybe you're the problem--that maybe this is happening to you over and over again? It's not happening to me."

"My god--I was just joking--what's wrong with you? Where's your sense of humor? Don't be so sensitive all the time!"

In the next professional communication training video I'm going to tell you exactly how to respond when you believe that somebody is in fact gaslighting you and trying to get you to question your thought process or who you are. Make sure to hit that subscribe button in the notification bell for more communication skills videos like this and remember to share this free online communication training video with people who you think might need it and might be being gaslighted or are gas lighters themselves.  And if you find value in this video or any of my communication training, share LIBERALLY on social media.

COMPLETE TRANSCRIPT BELOW:

Hi, I'm professional communication expert Dan O’Connor and in this video I'm going to give you specific examples of gas lighting in a relationship and how to recognize gaslighting at work with examples, so that the next time someone tries to gaslight you, you can put the kibosh on That one and you'll be able to avoid gaslighting other people, so you don't slide down that slippery slope. Here's what it sounds like! Let's say That you're at work joan i'd like to talk to you about my workload.

I don't think it's really proportionate to my colleagues and if you have a few minutes before the day is out, if we could just spend some time going over things, I would appreciate that, hey until I get a bigger budget and some more staff, I don't want To hear about your workload, not gas lighting, Can you hear yourself? You don't hear me complaining? Do you? I suggest you reflect on your priorities and why you would even bring that up to me gaslighting or hey honey. I saw the way that pat was all over you last night at dinner and I'm not sure I want to continue inviting them over. Oh, my god, are you that insecure really? I mean I don't know what happened to you, but if you'd like me to make an appointment for you, I'd be happy to do that, because this is not normal and really thanks.

Thanks for that vote of confidence that I would do something like that to you really gaslighter what Oh, my i'm sorry that was really stupid and insensitive of me, you want me to call it little tell her that trash day was tuesday and she's not welcome here Anymore, or do you want to do it not gaslighting? This is one in a two-part series about gaslighting. This video is going to focus on how to identify gas lighting in a relationship or how to identify and Recognize gas lighting at work in part, two i'll be giving you specific examples of what to say in response to gas lighting. So let's talk about what the difference is between gas lighting and feedback or gas lighting and a little debate remember that when somebody criticizes you or when somebody gives you feedback, whether it's in a relationship or it's in the workplace.

That is about an incident a thing. Your work product, your Actions, your behavior, that's what it's about when somebody's gaslighting you it's about you and it's calling into question your reasoning, your thinking. It's designed to take focus off of the subject at hand that you're probably bringing up and instead place it on you, and it's intended to get you to doubt your thinking.

That is not okay, It's okay! If somebody challenges us it's! Okay, if somebody questions our actions, it's okay, if somebody calls out our behavior, it is not okay. If somebody tries to get us to question our sanity, that is not okay, so be cautious of that. Whether you're concerned about gaslighting at work or you're concerned about gaslighting in a relationship, here's the type of thing to look for now.

Remember gas lighting generally comes when you bring up something that you're Not happy with or that you're concerned about, and they respond to it with gas lighting. The strategy of a gas lighter is to take the focus off of what you're addressing and instead place it on. You here's what it sounds like.

I don't know what happened to make you this way, but i'm not engaging. Can you hear yourself seriously? You want me to set up an appointment With somebody. Are you crazy? Hey you don't see me doing that.

Do you. I really feel sorry for you, i'm sorry. You think that way.

I'm sorry, you feel that way. I suggest reflecting on why you think that I never said that. That is not at all what happened.

You are remembering it all wrong. You're really making a big deal out of this here, you go again really. Do you have to do this every time? Hey, i'm not the problem here.

Have you considered that maybe you're the problem that maybe this is happening to you over and over again it's not happening to me? Oh, my god, I was just joking. I was just joking. What's wrong with you where's your sense of humor, don't be so sensitive.

All the time and i'd like you to share with me, because I will have one day between this video and the next one to address some specific gaslighting comments that people may have made to You. So if you could, let me know in the comments. What are the types of things that people have said to you that make you question? Are they gaslighting me? Am I being gaslighted or what things maybe have you done where you think now I might have been gaslighting somebody, it's okay.

We all make mistakes as long as we recognize them and stop them, but if you could share with me your examples of gaslighting, I would really appreciate That you know I can bring up anything. You know, I can say, hey i'm concerned because i'm working too much over time, can you hear yourself, you know, don't be such a complainer? Are you crazy there you go. You don't hear me complaining about it again, taking the focus off of the subject at hand that you're trying to address and placing it instead on you or in a relationship, i'm concerned that Our budget's just going out of control, you don't make such a big deal Out of everything, it's just, you know one bounced check.

Why do you always have to do this right, taking it off the bounced check and on to you, you know, instead of if I see that caller id one more time, i'm going to call them and put an end to it. Why do you have to make such a big deal Out of it? Are you crazy? Have you been sleeping enough? Have you been getting a hello taking it off the caller id and on to you and trying to get you to question your thought process, your sanity, your ideals, your way of thinking, that's, never! Okay. However, you come to conclusions whatever your thought process is Whatever your values are, whatever your boundaries are, whatever your rules are they're yours and that's, okay, and if somebody isn't okay with that, that's okay! So in this next video i'm going to tell you exactly how to respond when you believe that somebody is in fact, gaslighting you and trying to get you to question your thought process or who you are? Are you ready make sure to hit that subscribe button and the notification Bell for more videos like this and remember, to share this video with people who you think might need it and might be being gaslighted or gas lighters? And if you find value in this share it on places like facebook and twitter and wherever people go to get information like this.

 

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