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[00:00:00] The Phajaan chapter one. My name is Carlos.
[00:00:05] My name is Carlos. Everyone calls me Raja, the magnificent painting elephants, but I know my name. It's Carlos. My mom gave me my name.
[00:00:17] I missed my mom. If you want to know the truth, I don't even paint. Yes, I'm one of those elephants that paint those paintings people pay a lot of money for, but I wouldn't say I painted them.
[00:00:30] I'm more like the brush. I hold the brush and I move it up and down and dip it in the paint, but I don't decide what to paint.
[00:00:39] Someone else decides that. Someone else decides just about everything for me. That doesn't bother me. I'm used to it, I guess. They say I'm one of the lucky ones because I have a place to sleep and I get fed. I'm safe and I don't have to worry about anything. That's what they say.
[00:00:57] But I do worry. I worry about my mom.. I worry that I'll never see her again. I worry that she's forgotten about me. I worry that even if she saw me, she wouldn't recognize me. How could she. I can hardly recognize myself. I can. But barely.
[00:01:18] But I'd recognize her, alright. She's the most beautiful elephant I've ever seen. I remember how looking at her made me feel: safe loved special. I never really understood how she made me feel until they stole me from her. I didn't get it, that it was her who made me feel safe. I just felt safe. But now I know. Sometimes when I look at some of the other elephants that were stolen, I wonder if they know what it feels like to be special. When I hear people talk about how lucky I am, that's what goes through my mind. I am lucky, but they don't know why. I'm lucky to have known that at one time I was special. I'm not special now, but I know what it's like. Some of these elephants I've seen. I don't know if they've ever felt special. I mean, how would you ever know you were special or feel special if no one ever told you you were special.
[00:02:14] You know? So, yes, I am lucky. But it's not because I have a bed or get fed every day or anything like that. I was loved. I was special. I know what it feels like to be claimed. I knew who I was.
[00:02:31] My mom taught me who I was when I didn't know yet.
[00:02:35] Like I said, I can still recognize myself. Not everybody can, you know.
[00:02:39] For example, these bears here, they have no idea what that thing staring back at them in the mirror is, and cats-- totally clueless. Most humans think they can recognize themselves, but I'm not sure what they're seeing when they look in a mirror. I know it's usually not the same thing I see when I look at them. I don't know. But I do know. I can recognize myself. I remember the first time I recognized myself. It was a warm sunny summer day.
[00:03:07] The rains had just started, so it wasn't too hot anymore, but it was still summer. It was perfect. My mom and I went to have a drink and right before we dipped our trunks in the water, I stopped and said." "Oh my gosh, mom-- that's on us!" When I saw our reflection in the water. My mom laughed and she ran her trunk over my brow.
[00:03:26] I loved it when she did that.
[00:03:28] And said, "Yes Carlos, that's us." Of course, my mom and I spoke in elephant, but I'm just going to translate to make it easy. I remember looking at myself and saying, But mom, when you look at me, How do you know it's me?
[00:03:43] I mean, I looked just like all the other kids. My mom laughed and said not to me. You don't sweetheart. All I have to do is take one look at those big, beautiful brown eyes of yours to recognize you and know that your mine. You recognize me don't you? I remember thinking the question was so ridiculous.
[00:04:03] I laughed when I said, well, yeah, of course I do. Who wouldn't? You're the most beautiful elephant I've ever seen. My mom's smiled at me with her eyes. I loved it when she did that. And said. Why do you think that?
[00:04:19] I hadn't really thought about why my mom was so beautiful before I just thought she was. We were both Burmese Pygmy elephants, and I'm still not sure how to judge whether someone is beautiful or ugly. . I've learned that humans are pretty good at it, but I'm not. I remember looking at the beautiful skin around her eyes. And how she smiled at me so much,
[00:04:37] it changed the shape of her skin, so even when she was asleep, when I looked at her face, it was still loving me. If that makes any sense. But aside from her beautiful face, her trunk was so beautiful. The way the inside closest to her was a little more pink than the rest. So when we would lie down to sleep and she'd cradled me with the pink side. Oh, I couldn't imagine anything or anyone as beautiful as she was. I remember when I was really little. And I'd stray away from her.
[00:05:07] I got scared when all I could see was what looked like a forest of gray tree trunks moving around. But it didn't take me long to find her. The moment her legs came into view, even if there were a hundred other legs around. It's as if hers were illuminated with love and I could recognize them. . As I was thinking all of these thoughts, I really wanted to give her a good answer. So I tried, but I think all I got out was a. Well, You. My mom smiled at me with her eyes again. Oh, I really loved it when she did that. And said. Sweetheart.
[00:05:41] I'm no different from all the other elephants. The reason you think I'm so beautiful is because you love me. And I think you're beautiful and I always will, because I love you. That's how you and I will always recognize each other. We love each other. And no matter what happens, no matter how many years go by. You'll always be mine. Even if someday we can't see each other, we'll still love each other. And you'll still be special. Cause you'll still be mine. I don't need eyes to recognize you. My love for you will always recognize your love for me. Nothing can change that ever.
[00:06:19] Oh with that, I smiled and I took a big, long drink of water until I was full. I remember how full I felt after that. Full of water and full of love. Everything was perfect. Later as I closed my eyes to take a nap, I remember imagining the future filled with endless summer days just like that one, and all the adventures I would have. Back then I remember how easy it was to imagine and dream. It was easy with my mom around. I now know there is something extra special about taking a nap when my mom was around. My naps are a little bit different now, but back then when mom was there, I didn't think-- I knew everything was okay. I wasn't worried about anything, not even the bees. mom would protect me from the bees. I never questioned it. Why would I even question whether or not I was safe or loved or special?
[00:07:09] I didn't even know it was possible not to be those things. I just. I guess I just took it for granted.
[00:07:17] I'd like to think of myself as a smart elephant. And if I've learned anything, it's this. Pay attention to what you get used to and what you take for granted. I think we take good things for granted until we can't because we don't have them anymore. And we get used to bad things until they're there all the time. Don't get me wrong. I think being able to take things for granted as a good thing. I wish I had something or someone to take for granted. If my mom were here with me right now, I know exactly what I would do.
[00:07:47] I close my eyes, take her for granted and take a nap.
[00:07:52] I remember the last time I took her for granted. We were in the watering hole and she was showing me how to stand up on my hind legs and put my two front legs in the air. I kept falling over backwards in the water laughing because of how funny I thought the both of us must've blocked. Two Pygmy elephants, trying to dance like bears in the water.
[00:08:09] Afterwards in the shade of a giant mango tree, my mom and I laid down to take a nap. As I snuggled under my mom's chin with her big trunk cradling me with love, I couldn't help but giggle thinking about the two of us standing up on our hind legs and toppling over in the watering hole.
[00:08:27] It's funny how you can go to sleep in one world and wake up in another.
[00:08:31] That's why I always say a silent prayer the moment before I open up my eyes. When I fell asleep, I still thought I'd wake up in the same world. And I think I was giggling when I fell deep asleep. Then it happened.
[00:08:45] I heard my mom whispered to me. "Don't move."
[00:08:52]
[00:08:52] I opened my eyes, but it was dark, really dark. And even though I can see pretty well on the dark, I couldn't see a thing.
[00:09:01] Mom. I said, what's going on?
[00:09:05] She whispered.
[00:09:05] Don't maKe a sound. And don't move. I'll be right back.
[00:09:11] I never heard my mom's voice like that before. I continue to lie there, frozen, still unable to see anything. And the only thing that I could hear was the sound of my own heart as I held my breath.
[00:09:22] Then suddenly I heard what sounded like the growl of what must have been an absolutely enormous animal. And there was light. I mean, a lot of light, so much light that again I couldn't see. It was like the sun was shining right in my eyes, but from every direction. After blinking a few times, I realized it wasn't the sun.
[00:09:39] It was coming from what looked like gigantic metal beasts with big yellow eyes coming out of nowhere in the dark.
[00:09:46] As I laid there still not breathing. I saw what appeared to be a human step out from inside one of these creatures and he was coming towards me until I could just see his outline and he stood right in front of those yellow eyes.
[00:09:59] He stopped and it seemed like he was looking right at
[00:10:02] me.
[00:10:03] Then the man took what appeared to be a big stick. And he held it up to his shoulder and seemed to look right down the stick
[00:10:10] as he pointed it at me. I heard a "Cht-Cht".
[00:10:15] Suddenly I saw my mom charging out of the darkness right at the man and with her head down, going as fast as she could. She barreled right into him, grabbing him with her trunk and hurling the man into the air as she made impact. I heard a bang.
[00:10:27] The man flew into the air like a ragdoll and landed with a thud.
[00:10:32] As the man lay lifeless on the ground, my mom approached him with a look on her face that I've never seen before as she lifted up her right leg as if she was about to squish a watermelon. .
[00:10:41] And right before she lowered it, Her gaze fixed on the man without looking at me. She said.
[00:10:47] Run, Carlos.
[00:10:48] And then again, Without moving her head away from the man, she darted her eyes at me and I could see them. This time, they weren't smiling.
[00:10:56] And she said the last word I'd. Hear from her. Run.
