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[00:00:00] The Phajaan, Chapter Three: Rajah, You're Ready
[00:00:03]
[00:00:03] "Rajah, you're ready." Mr. Pokey said, as he pulled open the canvas door to my little tent. "You're a painter now. Come with me."
[00:00:12] with that he led me out of my tent to where a crowd of humans were all sitting in a big tent. He made me paint, like I had learned to do. He didn't have to poke me too hard
[00:00:20] even once that day.
[00:00:22] It was a good day.
[00:00:24] After that, every day Mr. Pokey and I would go to make a painting and all the people seemed very impressed that I could paint. Like it was that hard. I guess people really liked watching me paint and they were willing to pay a lot of money to see it.
[00:00:37]
[00:00:37] So it became my job. I didn't love it, but I got used to it. One day, after I was done painting. A lady came over to Mr. Pokey. She was wearing a green dress and carrying a great big straw purse that matched her straw hat. Only her hat had a white scarf with red polka dots on it. Yes. I know what polka dots are. Once a week, Mr. Pokey comes into the tent in the middle of the night and falls asleep in front of the television he brings with him. I pretend I'm asleep until he falls asleep. And then I watched the TV. He does it every week,
[00:01:08] so I've learned that right before the sun comes up, there's a show called Lawrence Welk and they have the most beautiful singers and dancers who come from a magical land called North Dakota. Sometimes they do the polka. And when they do, some of the dancers wear polka dots. They look so happy. The lady in green-- she didn't look so happy. She looked full. Not of love or water, but full of something. She walked up to Mr.
[00:01:37] Pokey and started talking to him. As I watched her talk, I couldn't help staring at her lips, which were unnaturally big and red. She reached into her purse and pulled out a big handful of money And gave it to Mr.
[00:01:47] Pokey. As he handed her the painting I had just done. Then, with the painting in one hand, she raised a big caramel covered apple that she had just bought to her mouth with the other hand, and while making a huge crack sound followed by a big slurp, proceeded to chew with her mouth open as she walked away.
[00:02:02] When I saw the look on Mr.
[00:02:03] Pokies face, as she walked away, that's when it hit me. Carlos, this is going to be your life and there's no escaping it. You can't get out of the tent. You aren't strong enough to break the rope or fast enough to get away. Even if you could, you wouldn't know where to go. And even if you did, they wouldn't know you anymore. No one would recognize you.
[00:02:27] You belong to Mr.
[00:02:28] Pokey now. This is your life. And you'll never see your mom again, so you had better get used to it.
[00:02:35] I was so upset I didn't eat all day. I just cried and cried. The nice man who feeds me was worried that maybe I was sick and he was right. I was sick.
[00:02:45] Heartsick for my mother and the life I had before the elephant thieves came and I was forced to work for someone who didn't know me, who didn't care about me, who didn't seem to like me very much and who didn't even know my name. I cried myself to sleep that night. Not because my heart was broken and it was, but because I was sure that wherever my mom was, her heart must've been broken too.
[00:03:09] If I could just tell her I was okay, so she didn't worry about me, that would make me feel so much better. I know I really wasn't okay, but I'd lie if it would make her feel better.
[00:03:19] Of course, I wouldn't tell her I've been Phajaan'd never. I couldn't tell anyone that. It'd be too difficult. I wouldn't want everyone to feel sorry for me, and even though I was really little when it happened and I don't think I could have stopped the phajaan,.
[00:03:33] I know that somehow it must've been my fault. I was ashamed of what happened and what I'd become. I could never tell anyone.
[00:03:44] But that's not a choice I have ether. I don't know who I would tell. I didn't have any friends and the few times I had the chance to talk to the other elephants it didn't go very well. The first time I talked to one of them was when they brought me to the back of the main tent for a bath while they were holding me down,
[00:04:01] they brought another elephant in.
[00:04:02] She was a big elephant about the same age as my mom.
[00:04:05] "Excuse me. Ma'am." I said to her. "I'm looking for my mom. Can you help me find her?" But she didn't respond.
[00:04:16] I tried again. "Excuse me. I'm looking for my mom. Do you know where she is?" Still no response. I was speaking to her in elephant, so I knew she could understand me. And I knew she could hear me because she followed her. Mr. Pokey's commands. Yet she ignored me. Another elephant was brought in for a bath, and the one I was talking to turn to the new arrival and said, "Hey, look what we have here.
[00:04:41] It's Raja the magnificent." I started to correct her. "Well, actually, my name is," but the new elephant interrupted me. "Oh, so you thought you'd come slumming with the other elephants, huh? I would've thought a big shot painter, like you would have a private bath." And with that, they turn to each other and burst into laughter. Then the elephant closest to me informed the other. "He's looking for his mom." They both laughed even louder. I replied looking at the new elephant. " Yes, ma'am, I'm looking for my mom. Do you know where I can find her?
[00:05:15] Her name is" The new elephant looked at me and said," Kid, were you Phajaan'd yesterday or what?". " What?"
[00:05:20] "Look Raj, the sooner you figure it out, the better." I started to say, "My name is--"
[00:05:25] But she cut me off as if I wasn't even talking.
[00:05:28] "You can forget about ever seeing your mom again, this is as good as it gets.
[00:05:32] I know you think you're better than the rest of us because you have your own tent and you paint pictures, but you know what? Little Roz. You're for John, just like the rest of us. Once it's done. It's done. And there's no going back. So just get over it and stop your whining or alpha phajaan you myself."
[00:05:48] "But--" I said with tears welling up in my eyes. It was hard for me to speak without my voice cracking, but I managed to say. "I just. Wanted to--" "Stop your whining." The elephant closest to me, sucked up a big gulp of water into her trunk and sprayed it in my face.
[00:06:06] At least getting sprayed with water covered up.
[00:06:07] The fact that tears were now flowing uncontrollably down my face.
[00:06:11] "Mom, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." I kept repeating as I stood there crying.
[00:06:18] I was so ashamed of what I had become and overwhelmed with sorrow at the realization that it was actually better this way, because at least she would never see me like this.
[00:06:28] With the water cascading over me, I found myself thinking back to a time when mom was still with me and we were inseparable. When it was just "you and me against the world." Just as she used to sing. I loved it when she sung that.
[00:06:43] Realizing I had no friends and no hope of ever seeing my mom again, I understood that I had to accept things as they were instead of dreaming. As I stood there, crying alone, I bid her my final goodbyes, hoping it would help me take my first step in accepting my fate.
[00:07:00] I didn't hold it against the elephants.
[00:07:02] I just stopped talking to them after that. I knew they just wanted to help me toughen up And I could understand why they were mad that I seemed to get all the attention. I could tell they said those things to me because they were phajaan'd too. You never know how it's going to affect someone, you know?
[00:07:19] After awhile.
[00:07:19] I got used to having no friends, no mom, and eventually no hope.
[00:07:24] As I remembered my mom for what I hoped would be the last time I decided to focus on my new life as Raja. I wanted to be the best painter I could be and drown out the past. Then, one day after a long day of painting, mr.
[00:07:37] Pokey came in to watch TV until as usual he fell asleep.
[00:07:41] As he slept, it happened. Right before the Lawrence Welk show a show called The Muppet show came on the TV. I liked that show. Everyone sang songs and seemed to be friends. I imagined that they were my friends. That night, a woman named Helen came to sing. They said she was ready for something. I don't know what. Helen looked like an angel.
[00:08:04] She was wearing a magenta dress. And had a frog on her lap. It reminded me of me and my mom.
[00:08:10] But then she started singing a song to the frog and I-- I know this sounds strange, but. It was the song. My mom used to sing to me-- You and me against the world! As I stood there mesmerized by what I was seeing and trying to make some sense of it.
[00:08:26] I remembered how my mom told me of a woman named Helen that she had met in the jungle one day. My mom said she was a singer from the land of Australia, and was in search of something-- inspiration, I think. And came to our jungle to try and find it. She and my mom became friends and my mom told me she taught her a traditional pygmy song called I am pygmy
[00:08:45] hear me roar, which Helen really liked. My mom told me Helen changed it to I am woman hear me roar And said it really caught on with human women, which I always thought was strange because I didn't know, they could even roar. But I wasn't prepared for this. I thought I'd never hear that song again. That must be why Mr.
[00:09:02] Pokey brought the TV with him wherever he slept. He must miss his mom too. and I bet he turns it on to hear her songs. That must be why he's so mean. If he was stolen too, that would explain why he's in such a bad mood all the time. Oh my gosh, what was I thinking?
[00:09:17] Now's my big chance. I've
[00:09:18] been waiting for this And my mind was going so fast. I tripped over the little red rope, holding my ankle as I headed for the place in the floor where I slept, but I didn't fall.
[00:09:25] I grabbed a stick, turned it upside down and as fast as I could, I drew a picture of my mom and the dirt on the floor as I did every night before going to bed. When I looked at it, I surprised myself at what a good artist I had become. since I'm alone, most of the day in my little tent, I spend most of my time drawing pictures of my mom on the floor. Once I used a canvas and Mr.
[00:09:44] Pokey got really mad. So now I just use the floor and my trunk or a stick or whatever's around.
[00:09:50] After drawing my mom's face and trunk on the ground, I curled up in it, closed my eyes and imagined it was my mom singing to me. like she used to, when I was a baby. I imagined those summer days at the watering hole and tried my best to will myself back there taking everything for granted.
[00:10:06] And while I was drifting off to sleep, listening to Helen saying. "And when one of us has gone and one of us has left to carry on, then remembering we'll have to do." And that's exactly what I did.
[00:10:17] I remembered how my mom used to tell me. "My love for you will always recognize your love for me. Nothing can ever change that." I prayed it was true. But so much time had passed., I'm not hers anymore. Would she still know me? Could she forgive me for leaving her? And even if she could, would she love the person I've become-- this Rajah?. And then-- I heard her voice.
[00:10:46] "Carlos." Mom, where are you?
[00:10:49] " Carlos, I need you to listen."
[00:10:51] I held my breath, just like I did the night when the elephant thieves came from me.
[00:10:54]
[00:10:55] "There's a sliver in time, a precious moment approaching. When the cosmic wheels will stop spinning, and
[00:11:02] you will be given an extraordinary choice. Choose correctly, and you will transform that sliver in time into a turning point that will set you free. And lead you to your destiny."
[00:11:14] "Mom? I don't understand. Nothing here makes sense. I need you. I don't know how I'll ever get back to you. It would take a miracle to break free from this horrible world I'm in. And mom-- I've been waiting for it for so long, I think I'm running out of time. I need your help, mom." "Carlos listened to me. There's nothing you need that you don't already have."
[00:11:37] "But mom, I don't have anything. I've lost it all. I don't have anything or anyone. I don't even know who I am anymore. how will I know what to do?"
[00:11:47] " It's not about knowing, sweetheart. It's about remembering. When you don't know what to do. Just remember who you are. That's enough." "But mom!" And just like that I woke up. After saying my prayer, I opened my eyes, but unfortunately, the site of that box told me I was still in my tent. Mr pokey and the TV were gone and that was all by myself. I closed my eyes, hoping to go back to my dream back to my mom, but it didn't work.
[00:12:15]
[00:12:16] I got up and grabbed some food that the nice man must've left for me while I was sleeping. Luckily, the rope tied around my ankle gave me enough room to go to the edge of my tent. I lifted the bottom up with my trunk and peered out to watch the world pass me by.
[00:12:29] Confused by the dream I had, I wondered if it was all because I was listening to that song or if it could possibly have meant something more. With a million questions racing through my head, I'm not sure when, but eventually I dozed off again. This time though, when I woke up. I opened my eyes before saying my prayer.
[00:12:47] And although I hadn't asked for it, things we're about to change. I knew it the moment I opened my eyes
[00:12:55] I wasn't alone.
