All the people I work with are narcissists! Interpersonal communication skills--Dan O'Connor  

A blog by Jean M. Schmith

All my co-workers are narcissists, and I'm going to out them!

Last week Dan received a message from an online subscriber, that asked his help in handling narcissists.  The writer made it clear that everyone in his office was snide and out to get him.  But he had decided to get them first and worst.  He figured that people who were out to get him were all narcissists--a term that is thrown around rather loosely these day.  According to Merriam-Webster, a narcissist is "an extremely self-centered person who has an exaggerated sense of self-importance."

Dan observed a few things about the person writing him.

1.  It's highly unlikely that everyone in his office is a self-centered person with an exaggerated sense of his/her own importance.
2. If EVERYONE you meet is crazy or hurtful or aggressive--perhaps it's time to look inward.
3. The idea of "getting revenge" against people is not a good one.

If you look around and see yourself surrounded by people trying to hurt or get you, perhaps you might want to look inward to determine what you are doing to invite this behavior.  Please note:  I am not talking about a person who is being bullied.  This happens, all too often, through absolutely NO FAULT of the person being bullied.  Rather I am speaking of the adult who perceives that all people around him are not nice people.  All people around him are aggressive towards him.  All people around him are narcissists.  This person might be well served to examine why he sees the world this way.  Maybe he has a victim mentality that he should work on purging.  Maybe he has a way of looking at the world that makes others seem dark, as they attack him regularly.  Maybe he has come to enjoy the idea of being picked on.  Only serious inward reflection will reveal why this person thinks as he does.  Having said that . . . .

Is the idea of "getting revenge" a good one?  Is this the job of any person?  Is this what any one of us should aspire to be--vengeful?  Revenge is never a good response to aggression, whether real or imaginary.  It hurts only the one exacting it.  The desire for revenge springs from darkness, and from the most base instincts within us.  Hopefully the goal of the person experiencing aggression from all sides would seek understanding.  It's understanding that produces positive behavior.  Understanding is necessary to peace and to love and to all things good.  Revenge destroys all things good.

Dan's ultimate advice to the writer?  Seek first to understand yourself.  Then determine why you see yourself as the only good person in the room.  And finally, free yourself from the bonds of victimhood by becoming the enlightened person you are meant to be--the loving person you are meant to be.  You'll be amazed at how loving others suddenly appear to be too!

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To hire Dan, or access his materials, go to danoconnortraining.com  

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