Married couple seeking to develop effective communication skills

Constructive vs negative ways for married couples to communicate

Marriage is a partnership between two people who commit to share their lives, their dreams, and their aspirations. It requires effective communication, mutual understanding, and empathy to be successful. However, even the strongest marriages can suffer from conflicts and misunderstandings that can lead to resentment, anger, and hurt feelings.  Dan O'Connor, Wizard of Words will discuss constructive ways of communication and problem solving within a marriage, compared with destructive ways of communicating that hurt the relationship shared by married couples.

One of the most challenging aspects of a marriage is confronting one another in a constructive way. This means being honest and respectful while expressing your feelings and concerns, rather than resorting to negative behaviors such as revenge, the silent treatment, mocking, and lying. In this blog, we will explore some of the harmful behaviors that can hurt a marriage and communication, as well as the ways couples can handle things better.

Harmful Behaviors That Can Hurt a Marriage and Communication

  1. Revenge

When one partner feels hurt or wronged by the other, they may be tempted to seek revenge. This can manifest in different ways, such as by purposely ignoring their partner, withholding affection, or intentionally hurting them emotionally or physically. Revenge may provide a temporary sense of satisfaction, but it can also lead to long-term damage to the relationship. When asked about this behavior, the person engaging in it will frequently begin their answer with "Because you . . . ."

  1. The Silent Treatment

The silent treatment is a behavior that involves refusing to speak or communicate with your partner. This can be a passive-aggressive way of expressing anger or hurt, but it can also be a way of avoiding conflict. The silent treatment can make your partner feel ignored and unimportant, and it can also create tension and mistrust in the relationship.  There is no excuse--ever--for giving the silent treatment to your partner.  And there is a vast difference between taking a moment to think--and giving someone the silent treatment.  The essential difference is motive.  Usually the silent treatment is designed to hurt or to punish, whereas taking a moment to think is done to gather one's thoughts so that communication can be more meaningful and effective.

  1. Mocking

Mocking involves making fun of your partner, belittling them, or ridiculing their ideas or opinions. This behavior can be hurtful and disrespectful, and it can also create a power imbalance in the relationship. Mocking your partner can make them feel insecure and unworthy, which can damage their self-esteem and the trust in the relationship.  Mocking frequently is disguised as humor, but is never funny and always destructive to the relationship.

  1. Lying

Lying involves deliberately misrepresenting the truth to your partner. This behavior can erode trust and create a sense of betrayal in the relationship. Lying can also make it difficult for couples to communicate effectively and can lead to misunderstandings and conflict.  Lying is the intent to deceive and can be a matter of omitting pertinent facts, as well as misstating what occurred.  Whenever you are intending to deceive, you are LYING.

Constructive Ways to Confront One Another Within a Marriage

  1. Speak with Respect

When you need to confront your partner, do it with respect. This means using a calm and respectful tone, avoiding insults or negative language, and listening to their perspective. Speaking with respect can create a safe space for communication and can help you and your partner find common ground.

  1. Use "I" Statements

When expressing your feelings and concerns, use "I" statements rather than "you" statements. For example, say "I feel hurt when you don't listen to me" rather than "You never listen to me." Using "I" statements can help your partner understand your perspective and can avoid making them feel attacked or defensive.

  1. Be Honest

Honesty is crucial for a healthy and successful marriage. When confronting your partner, be honest about your feelings and concerns. This can help you and your partner work together to find solutions and can also build trust and intimacy in the relationship.

  1. Seek Professional Help

If you and your partner are struggling with communication, seek professional help. A marriage counselor can provide you with the tools and strategies you need to communicate effectively and work through your issues. Seeking help early can prevent small issues from becoming big problems and can help you and your partner build a stronger and healthier relationship.

In conclusion, confronting one another constructively is an essential part of any healthy and successful marriage. By avoiding harmful behaviors such as revenge, the silent treatment, mocking, and lying, and by using respectful communication, "I" statements, honesty, and professional help, couples can build a stronger and more fulfilling relationship.  

For education and help regarding building strong and lasting relationships with your partner, go to and look around.  You'll be happy you did :)