COPING STATEMENTS for maintaining control: Handling emotions
What do you do when you're about to be overcome with emotion and you can't leave the situation (or sometimes the job itself??)
What do you do when you're enraged about what someone just said, but you don't want to show it?
What do you do when you are about to cry, and you don't want to cry?
What do you do when someone has offended you deeply, but you think it's not the time to respond?
You use coping statements--affirming statements that will help you get your emotions under control.
What is a coping statement? A coping statement is a strong affirmation, always stated in the present tense. No, it is NOT "I like me; everyone likes me; I am likable; I am cute." No, that's something from an old Al Franken Saturday Night Live skit. Dan is talking about something like this:
You are on the verge of tears and YOU DON'T WANT TO CRY. The average person will self-talk "I don't want to cry. I just can't cry. I DO NOT WANT TO CRY. PLEASE, DON'T CRY." And what normally follows this self-talk? That's right. You burst into tears. So--instead of this--recognize how the brain works, and that the brain requires clear input (like any good computer) before it can generate clear output for you to follow. You know--garbage in "Please, don't cry" and garbage out "Tears!" Compare this with the savvy communicator who uses coping statements. (Strong affirmations--present tense) "I am a strong person. I am a strong person. My emotions are under control. I am a strong person." That present-tense affirmation tells the brain CLEARLY who you are. And since our actions and words follow from who we think we are--VOILA--no tears.
These affirmations can relate to the moment when you are furious with your boss and would like to tell him off, but instead you remind yourself. "I am a calm, cool, collected in-control person." There are many instances appropriate for these affirming present-moment statements.
To help make affirmations (coping statements) second nature, Dan recommends you do a personal compass, and he'll give you the link to download that to get you started.
So if you want to learn to cope in emotionally charged situations, watch the video and take advantage of the Personal Compass kit Dan offers at the end.
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