Dealing with two-faced coworkers who say one thing and do another

Dealing with coworkers who say one thing but do another and then lie to your face can be a frustrating and challenging experience. It can create a toxic work environment and make it difficult for you to trust your colleagues. In this blog, we'll discuss some strategies for dealing with these kinds of coworkers, including toxic people and difficult people. We'll also look at some power phrases and danger phrases that can help you navigate these situations more effectively.

Identifying Toxic and Difficult People

Before we get into specific strategies, it's essential to identify toxic and difficult people in your workplace. These are people who may not have your best interests at heart and who may engage in manipulative or deceitful behavior. They may lie to your face, say one thing and do another, or try to undermine you in subtle or overt ways. Identifying these individuals is critical because it can help you set boundaries and protect yourself from their negative influence.

One way to identify toxic and difficult people is to pay attention to how they communicate. Do they often use power phrases or danger phrases (more on those later)? Are they always trying to get their way, even if it means stepping on others? Do they frequently gossip or spread rumors? These can all be signs of a toxic or difficult coworker.

Strategies for Dealing with Toxic and Difficult Coworkers

Once you've identified toxic and difficult coworkers, it's time to think about how to deal with them effectively. Here are some strategies you can use:

1. Set Boundaries: If a coworker is lying to your face or engaging in manipulative behavior, it's important to set boundaries. Let them know that their behavior is not acceptable and that you will not tolerate it. Be clear and direct, but also polite and professional.

2. Communicate Effectively: When communicating with toxic or difficult coworkers, it's important to be clear and direct. Use power phrases (more on those later) to assert yourself and make your point. Avoid using danger phrases (also more on those later), which can escalate the situation and make it more difficult to resolve.

3. Build Alliances: If you're dealing with a particularly challenging coworker, it can be helpful to build alliances with other colleagues. Find people who share your concerns and work together to address the problem. This can be especially effective if you're dealing with a toxic or difficult person who has a lot of power or influence in the workplace.

4. Document Everything: If a coworker is lying to your face or engaging in manipulative behavior, it's important to document everything. Keep a record of conversations, emails, and other interactions. This can be useful if you need to escalate the situation to HR or higher-ups.  Generally I would avoid HR, but if the behavior is illegal and egregious, then by all means go to HR.  But don't use HR to resolve issues that employees should be able to resolve among themselves--particularly with the appropriate communication skills training.

Power Phrases

Power phrases are phrases that mindfully assert your boundaries and make it clear that you're not to be messed with. They can be helpful when dealing with toxic or difficult coworkers. Here are some examples:

1. "I'm not comfortable with that."
2. "Why would you say/ask/do that?"
3. "I need you to stop doing that."

Danger Phrases

Danger phrases are phrases that can escalate the situation and make it more difficult to resolve. They should be avoided when dealing with toxic or difficult coworkers. Here are some examples:

1. "Let's just agree to disagree."
2. "That's not how it works."
3. "I can't believe you would do that."

In Conclusion

Dealing with coworkers who say one thing but do another and then lie to your face can be a frustrating and challenging experience. It's important to identify toxic and difficult people in your workplace and to use strategies like setting boundaries, communicating effectively, building alliances, and documenting everything to deal with them effectively. Power phrases can help you assert yourself, while danger phrases should be avoided.  For extensive training on these and other communication/interpersonal issues, visit danoconnortraining.com