In this free online communication training video, communication skills coach Dan O'Connor covers the fourth mistake that women make in business as they compete in a world that is generally dominated by men. Yes, as has been pointed out--the first three mistakes and this one are also made by men, and these professional communication training ideos can equally apply to them. HOWEVER, it is primarily women who tend to diminish and minimize themselves, whether this is a result of home training, religious beliefs relative to subservience, their nature--or any one of a hundred things. Women need to see the mistakes they are making, and rectify them if they are to achieve the business success they deserve.
https://youtu.be/ZkF9N6lZIns to go to the first three secrets
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Below you'll find a transcription of the video. Please excuse the errors and type-o's. It's an automatic transcription. It has to do in a pinch.
Do you need to make some real changes in the impression that you're making on people when you speak to them? If so this video will help. I put a link below to the first three secrets that we talked about in this particular Series. This is secret number four--things that we can do to change the impression that we're making on people when we communicate with them. This secret, you're going to love. So if you did not yet watch the first three, I recommend clicking on that link, watching them, and then coming right back to this one because this is secret number four. Are you ready?
All right, so we probably already know that people don't necessarily remember everything that we say when we speak to them, right? They don't remember the words necessarily that are coming out of our mouths. However, they do remember how we make them feel. That said, how do we make people feel when they are around us? Something that we can do right away to have a dramatic impact on how people feel when they are around us is to ask them to recall things that make them feel good. I know this seems very simple but look at how many people do not do this.
We frequently ask people questions, for example, when we're making small talk with them. For example, we may ask people: "So where are you from?" "Oh, so are you enjoying your time here?" "What do you do here?" "Where do you live?" Yes, we might ask them all of these questions. There are different ways to ask questions effectively when we do that, of course. But if you want to really have an impact, so that when people walk away from this conversation with you, they feel good and they don't remember exactly why or exactly what you did but they remember feeling good when they talked to you.
This is how you accomplish making them feel good. Ask them questions that cause their brains to recall situations or things or memories that make them feel good. For example, I was listening to a woman talk to some clients the other day and she was asking one of the clients about where they were from and they said some place in New Jersey and she said, "Oh, I love New Jersey. I love walking on the Jersey Shore and eating hot dogs. You ever do that?" And they said something like. "Yeah, yeah, I do that all the time. Every summer, we used to go to the grocery store and eat hot dogs.
And she said "What was your favorite hotdog place?" And I was listening to her, and thinking, ah, I know what you're doing, because she kept asking her questions like that. Where she would say things like, oh, great. And what are you doing now? Really? What's your favorite part about your new job? Oh. I bet that would be great. And where do you live? Really? I hear that that's a great place to live? What have you found is the best part of living there. And you ask questions like that when you get someone to give you a little bit of information, for example, if you're asking them, where are they from or what they do. Really what is your favorite part about doing that? What part do you like the most about your job? Really? That's a great neighborhood. I hear. What have you found to be the best part of living there? Wow. You went there. Tell me of all the 28. What was your favorite thing that you tried?
When you ask people questions like that they can't help but remember things that made them feel good. Their brain, therefore can't help but stimulates the part of itself that will then release the drugs that make these people feel good about remembering the thing that you are now causing them to remember. Therefore, in the end they feel good when they are talking to you. And what people will remember is that feeling that you brought out in them when they were with you. Instead of sometimes, for example, if we have a job that requires us to unfortunately deliver bad news to people, if our job is to, let's say check other people's work or if we are a proof editor or in quality control or we're in management or in some position where unfortunately mostly when we see people we're just delivering bad news or telling them what they did wrong or checking up on them and finding their errors-- people won't want to be around us much-- if that's all that we're doing.
Or if in our current position, we are trying to bring things up to improve the company or to improve the processes and what people are hearing from us--when they speak to us-- are only things that are going wrong or negative, or problems, then we must make sure to infuse your conversations with POSITIVE things like this as well. Then no matter what's happening, people will remember that feeling that was evoked when they were speaking with you. They will connect that with you. And they will think, when I talk to this person, I feel good. Try that out and watch the difference that it makes when you communicate with people and how people will be more likely to want to come to you, to seek you out and to want to speak with you because of the way you make them feel.
What are some other areas that you'd like some help in? If you have some of those that you have been waiting to ask, make sure to ask them either in the questions below or shoot me, an e-mail at [email protected], or of course, click on our contact form. And if I can help you with it, I will do so either in one of our advanced courses as I frequently do or on YouTube as I just did earlier this week-- so that you can get your answer and start seeing some real changes in how you impact people's lives, and that impact, of course, comes back to you tenfold. So if there's anything that I can do to help, make sure to let me know, and I'll do that.
So let's talk about some other examples of how we can use this lesson. For example, let's say that I meet somebody at work. And I say "Hi it's nice to meet you. I'm Dan. I work in the XY is the department. Tell me, where do you work?" And they say, oh, I work in quality control. I respond with Really? How long have you been doing that? He says I've been doing that a year. I ask: and where did you work before this? He responds I worked across the street, at XYZ competitor. Me--Really? Have you found anything about this job that has surprised you and has been maybe like an added bonus that you did not expect? And they'll tell me. Oh yes. in the cafeteria; best food around. Me-- I agree with you. I like the food here better than at home. What is the most delicious thing that you've found in the cafeteria? And I might say, I haven't tried that yet? I'll make sure to try that. And where do you live?
And they might say, oh, I live across town and XYZ neighborhood. I have a friend who lives there and she thinks it's great. What do you think is the best part of living there? And then they might say, oh I you know, I like to school districts really odd. My friend also has kids to go to school. You know? That reminds me, I do my kids homework with them. I don't know. Do you do your kids homework with them? And they'll say yeah. I'll say, you know, when I was in school, I wasn't necessarily the best student. I was checked out during a lot of classes, and now when I do my kids homework with them, I learn a lot, and I think, oh my gosh, I can't believe that I missed the first time around and I really enjoy the learning process as well as helping my kids. Do you ever find that? That's really what have you been surprised with about what you have learned to doing your kids homework with them?
Really wow. And then you ask them more questions and more questions. And when you find points where you think I can explore that a little bit with them, explore it in a positive way. If they say, for example, I just turned down, you did? I did too. You know, a lot of people I know are concerned about turning fifty and they have a lot of anxiety about it. My brother did, for example, but I have loved it. It has so far, been the best part of my life. Long, do you think so? Have you found that to be true for you as well? You have what have you found to be the best part about being fifty? Well, now that I'm fifty, I can kind of say and do whatever I want and don't have to answer to anybody and say I feel the same way down pendants that I feel now at fifty although it's offset a little bit by not having the support that I had. Before I have to say the independence is
Really gratifying and satisfying to find that to be true. What you think is the most satisfying thing about being fifty and independent and being able to make your own decisions, whatever the questions may be, keep them focused on what is the most satisfying thing. What is the happiest memory that you have from your use to live? What food did you try in your latest vacation that you found to be the most delicious? What do you think makes you the happiest? You've been married now for twenty five years. What's one of your happiest memories? What's something that when you think about the twenty five year journey that you've been on what stands out as being one of the highlights of that journey for you? What is the happiest? What is the most delicious way? What is the best? What is the most surprising? Ask people to really reach for the best, the most. The happiest, their favorite part of these memories that you're bringing up in them, because when they do that, they will then connect that feeling with you.
Of course we don't want to keep repeating over and over again, the same thing really what's the best part about that? Oh what's that part about that really I did that to. What did you like the best? You know we don't always want to say the best it could be the most niches, what did you find? Surprised you the most in a positive way? What was your favorite? We want to use different words but always reach for. When you're asking people about themselves or about their pasts making small, talk ask people to recall and really reach for those memories, that evoke an experience that was positive for them because in doing so that will cause their brain to release positive chemicals that make them feel good when they are around you and what they will connect is that good feeling with you? So if you have been struggling with people not necessarily connecting the most positive sentiments or feelings with you,
Try that mix that in and watch how you can tip the scales back in your favor. Or if it's something new, you can enjoy it an entirely new experience when you meet people and experience different from any experience, you've had before, or simply. Because you paid attention to those little words and used simple communication strategies rather than winging it, like, most people do. So, for more strategies like this, I hope that you've already signed up for our newsletter off. If you've done that, check out our VIP pass because our VIP pass includes all of my advanced communication strategies, all of the classes that we have and the price is going to be going up at the end of June right now. It's Friday, June 11th off and by the end of the month, I will be adding more to that VIP pass. So the price will go up but if you lock in today's price, it won't go up ever for you and you'll keep on enjoying all of our new materials and our new courses when they come out that are exclusive to a VIP members. So, check that out. I'll put a link below. And if you have any questions, or if you need any help, we are always here for you. So don't hesitate to reach out. This is Dan O'Connor with everyone here, from Dan O'Connor training, signing off.