Relationship and Self-Help Communication Training: Principle--Our Job is to Learn Lessons
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Relationship and Self-Help Communication Training: Principle--Our Job is to Learn Lessons

Learning lessons, not teaching them, is our job.  This is Dan's "principle of the week."

Wow.  Maybe you want to show this to that person in your life who seems determined to "teach you a lesson"  and doesn't seem to understand the concept of learning lessons.  If you're that person, maybe you want to watch this video.

There is only one way to teach, and that is by doing.  We teach who we are and who we BELIEVE ourselves to be by what we do, in other words, by example.  If you believe it is your role to "teach 'so and so' a lesson,"  it might be wise to consider that teaching lessons will backfire--big time--every time.  Usually "teaching someone a lesson" comes from anger, and if the goal is repairing a relationship--"teaching a lesson" will result in failure, and possibly the end of that relationship.  If you have been hurt and you want to "get even" or show that person what happens when he/she hurts you--in other words--if you are determined to "teach a lesson" arising out of lovelessness, it will be you who will be even more hurt in the long run.  Teaching lessons generally comes from lovelessness, whereas learning lessons results in personal growth and growth in love.

Nothing good has EVER COME from "teaching someone a lesson."  Making people feel bad or suffer does not yield fruit.  It does not heal relationships.  It is not a "winning" strategy.  In fact, it is a losing strategy.  Even parents will deepen their relationship with children more by understanding them than by coming up with "corrective behavior" plans.  If you want to change the behavior of your children, start by changing your own behavior.  It is more than cliche to say we lead by example.  We show children and teach them by demonstrating right and good and just behavior--not by talking about it.  All the verbal teaching in the world will fall on deaf ears if it's not accompanied by example.  If you ever find yourself thinking "Boy, am I going to teach my child a lesson for what he did" please please please STOP.  Reconsider.  Just don't do it.

Relationship skills and interpersonal skills have to be developed; we aren't born with them.  Hopefully this video will help all of us develop better relationships with friends, family, and even coworkers--anybody within our sphere of influence.


If you want to develop your interpersonal and relationship skills, check out Dan's free resources and premium content at

If your organization is looking for a communication keynote speaker, or training in effective communication skills, handling difficult people, or customer service skills, go to and review the various programs Dan offers.  Dan has been delivering onsite training for over 18 years, and hasn't bored an audience yet!  That's why his onsite training motto is "No more boring training--EVER!"

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